I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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