Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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