I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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