you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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