so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
