these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
