I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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