I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
