Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
