i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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