I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
