i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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