What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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