anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
