So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
