Can Purell be used as lube?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
