I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
