areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
