you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
