now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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