my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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