i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
