Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
