Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
