Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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