next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
