break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
