Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
