On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
