I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
