she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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