just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
