i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want nice things and good sex
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
