We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
