She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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