BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
