so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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