i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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