This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
