We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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