Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
