I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
