I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
