is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
