All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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