I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
