I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
