we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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