The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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