She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
